Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
