dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
