Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
kristin has been a bad kristin
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
