Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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