I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize