I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize