dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
