No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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