First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
