I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
