The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
