I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
