physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
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I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
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In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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