wanna go halves on a baby?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
how drunk are you?
Several
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
