Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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