i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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