Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
