halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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