What did we do last night that was yellow?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
accomplished twins. life is a go
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
