I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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