And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
