Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize