why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
