She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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