im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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