Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
