he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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