What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
