Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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