ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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