I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
