oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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