Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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