Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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