I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
