We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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