this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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