Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
