you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
