These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
