Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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