WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
