I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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