ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
