I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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