Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Let's paint friendship bongs
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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