I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
