She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
