shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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