okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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