Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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