I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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