I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
