Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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