marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
