This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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