non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
