yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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