I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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