i already hear my dad disowning me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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