whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
