Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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