i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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