You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
