whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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