I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
