what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
